ok...ill give in
by: me

this is wat i want to tell allysan, but cant: ill start off with the nots: im not jealous. im not mad at you im not completely happy im not going anywhere with him and you im not going on a double or triple dat with you guys. im never going to get you to to break up, unless theres a really good reason. im not going to hate him im not going to hate you. now for the am's: i am feeling left out i am wanting a boyfriend myself, but not desprate i am sick of hearing the details... i am going to kill him if you call him more then once or twice when were at the mall . ok...ill start now.. when you started going out with him, you said friends would be always first. at the mall you said "hey, i made you my #1 priority today." so of corse the first thing i think is : ok, so youd rather have jason then me, that can be agganged. and i got all mad, which resulted in 2 very angry writtings. which you will not read cuz this is like, my diary and id hate you. and i remember typing: you can loose me just as easy as you can loose him. easier. which is true, but i dont no wat id do without you. when im alone, not talking to someone, i think. hard. and normally bad things. i take everything to hard and anything anyone says at that point is turned around and used aganist them in my mind. it makes me think yoou hate me, it even thinks that jason is trying to get you away from us. youd cry at the thoughts i have when im alone. thats why i get so "needy" sometimes. cuz i no once i get off the phone or when people leavthe bad thoughts come. weither i like it or not.and the only way i can stop it is by calling and talking to someone. and when your talking to jason, i cant get ahold of ashley,or bret. going up stairs doesnt help at all. cuz then i get yelled at. so it makes me feel unwanted, and like a fuckup. thats where i got it from. why do you think i liked tyler? he anwsered questions. he new about the things that happened and hes gone through the same thing. he told me his outcome and what i should/shouldnt do. he was my instruction book on life. you no, they always give them to you in someforign language, well he decoded it for me. he was a crappy person, but really good a decoding whatever language my instruction book was. lol. and thats why i love guitar so much. hes so much like me, he had a best friend like you, a deprested friend, like cassie and his parents did the same thing to him as my parents do to me. hes like the older(by like, 8 years), guy version of me. it would get near the end and wed just talk about random things while messing around with guitars. its kinda scary... but anyway, yeah...theres more but right now im in a good mood so i cant type how i truely truely feel.